The Dark Side of Nothing

My Life as it spills out onto the screen.


  Do you ever get the urge to just drop off the grid? Just pack up or better yet sell most of what you own and then just wander the world or even just the U.S.? I know a writer, Mark avid Gerson ( on Twitter ( who packed up and stored his stuff and is on a journey traveling the US. I had an urge like this once and put it off. Now I’m stuck in a wheelchair, drowning in bills with just SSDI ( need to get off ass and find a part time job) BUT on the other hand I just feel like dropping off the grid. I get this wanderlust ever now and then. It balances with the dream to have a cabin in the woods away from it all. It’s interesting how that changed from having to use a horse to get to the house. To having it “in the woods” but “close” to a larger population (read other gay friend). 

  I went to a festival in Phoenix called the Rainbows Festival ( It was like another gay pride but without the parade and was free to get in. It was fun, but as I was looking the crowds (I love to people watch, ok fine, I was guy watching too) I realized that I didn’t know anyone there! Thousand+ people and here I was alone (yet once again – I so hate doing things alone). This is the problem with living out in Gilbert (Thanks dad) with no car. I so want to live closer and not for the bars. This weekend was the first time I had been in a bar for years. I learned long ago that I wasn’t going to find a partner in a bar. But for the gay bowling leagues, the HIV+ groups, for friends that I don’t have sex with (not knocking this), for community, etc.

  So now I will try harder to get my bills under control and to find a job so that I can crawl out this hole and perhaps do some wandering, exploring the county and meeting new people.

  I’ll tell you all about the rest of my Phoenix trip later today. I just got the urge to write this now, so I took the time to jot down my ramblings.


October 7, 2008 - Posted by | Friends, Gay, General, Phoenix | , , , , , , ,


  1. Good luck, that is a noble cause. I would do anything to live in a city that actually HAD bars.

    Comment by slightlyignorant | October 9, 2008 | Reply

  2. Oh wow – where about do you live? Is there anything close or do you have to ravel to it? That would remind me of when I was in Germany. The town where I was stationed had a “toy” shop but that was it. To go to any bars was a 70 mile train ride into Stuttgart. So on my days off I would go there.

    Comment by Peter | October 10, 2008 | Reply

  3. How’d the trip go? Your audience is waiting, LOL.

    Comment by matthew thompson | October 12, 2008 | Reply

  4. I’m Sorry – I see I’m behind on two stories. Time to do some writing and less surfing. At least before I jump on World of Warcraft! Thanks for reminding me!

    Comment by pnehem | October 12, 2008 | Reply

  5. Will have it done later today. Was trying to get done but I’m falling asleep.

    Comment by pnehem | October 13, 2008 | Reply

  6. We’ll be patient, but only cause you are so handsome…

    Comment by matthew thompson | October 13, 2008 | Reply

  7. HEY I happened to stumble upon your blog and I think it’s really interesting. Sorry to know about your HIV stats – Take care, all the best, I’ll be a frequent visitor:)


    Comment by confessionsofaclosetcase | October 15, 2008 | Reply

  8. Thanks Matthew, it’s finally done. Hope it was worth the wait. Somehow it seemed better while I was writing it. I only drifted off once. 🙂

    Thanks Josh for your comments. Thanks for check back occasionally to see if I’ve posted something. I think I’m going to do a blog challenge, if I can find the web site again, where they challenge you to write in your blog once a day. It’s meant to foster developing the habit of writing daily in one’s blog. I should could use that. Of course, you may get some corny daily posting but I suppose it wouldn’t be any worst then some of other peoples blog entries that I’ve read.

    Thanks all for visiting.

    Comment by pnehem | October 16, 2008 | Reply

  9. Hey Peter. After been driving for the past 10 somewhat years, I have to say I’m getting sick of it by the days. The traffic is getting bad, more unconsiderate drivers on the road and of course the gas price. I am seriously considering taking the bus again, yet where I work is just a little too far. It’s interesting to read your Pheonix trip… it reminded me why I stop taking the bus at the first place… what dilemma.

    Thanks for the blogroll btw. 😀

    Comment by Sorata | October 16, 2008 | Reply

  10. Ah so true, the bus is long and boring. But since I love to people watch I try to do that and ogle the hot men (the bus I take stops at the main ASU campus 😛 without being too noticeable. But I can’t wait when I can get some form of transportation and stop taking the bus.
    You quite welcome with the blogroll. I went back and capitalized all the names because it shows up better.

    Comment by pnehem | October 18, 2008 | Reply

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