Pills, Pills and more Pills and how I hate them – Part One

  But even though I hate them, they are keeping me alive, or have helped keep me alive. I’m HIV+, you would know that because you have at least half a brain and have noticed my small “About” on the right side of the screen which after the word “Gay” reads “HIV+” . So after you read those two words combined, if your still here you deserve a kiss today <KISS> (that works for both sexes)(though if your really cute and male you can get that kiss elsewhere). Ok, dredging mind out of the gutter and back on topic to finish this posting.

  I found out I was HIV+ someday back in June 1994, 2 weeks after I found out my partner was also HIV+. I was in his hospital room with his parents and the stupid docs were huddled in the corner near the door talking loudly amongst themselves and not at us about what they were going to say to us when they came out of their huddle. I being closer to them hear HIV (Well when you work with HIV folks, At that day and age hearing a doctor mention HIV and your ass was sick in the hospital, it meant you had HIV) All I could first think of was, “Did his parents here that?” (Hell they were talking so loud the person next door might have heard it!) When I glanced over their eyes were as big as saucers, oh they heard it alright. Then the next thing that floated into my thoughts was, “Hmmm, perhaps I need to go get tested because of more that a few times the condom broke and wasn’t replaced or the never made it on. Caution was thrown to the way side and Yes, I knew better, hell we both knew better. But you never think your going to get it, especially when your younger. I didn’t keep up getting my 3 month testing and I didn’t take him with me. So much we could have done different, oh well, the past is just that PAST! There isn’t a damn thing we can do to change it or fix it, just perhaps try not let it repeat again. Somehow my church didn’t understand that when I said I wanted to talk to the Jr High & High School groups about me being HIV+ and how I hoped through my story no one in those groups would make the same mistake. They thought I wanted to pass out condoms, I sighed and restrained myself verbally. I said no I just want to tell my story, then I was asked if I would have to mention that I was gay. I said I suppose I could leave it out but I think when I go and mention my partner and how HE was in the hospital most of them would put 2 and 2 together and get GAY out of it. Irritated was creeping into my voice. My idea was shot down. But I’m a stubborn person and I’ll keep asking every few months. Because while it may not keep them from using a condom, if I can get just ONE of them to hesitate (Boy or Girl) and think back to that gay guy, what’s his name, in the wheelchair talking about how I can get HIV, STD’s or worst pregnant (boy’s it’s becoming the Baby daddy at 14, 15, 16 or God forbid sooner) and either not have sex or whip out that condom. Then I’d feel it wasn’t all in vain.

  Wow, I got off topic. But I knew when I went to go have the test done that I was HIV+. So after 2 weeks had past I took a nice chocolate cream filled donut from Duncan Donut (you know those powder sugar covered ones Nom Nom <drool>) with me. I left it on the seat of the car because I knew it would be a quick trip. I really had a fight hard when they got all serious and ushered me into the “private” room and the person came in all sad face telling me how sorry they were to tell me I was HIV+, hell I knew that 2 weeks ago. I was just like, “I see, really, wow”. then I asked if the free clinic was still available as I need to see where my CD4 count was at as I think I had been HIV+ for several month. That test came out at a little above 600, which still sucked. Hell I’d give my left nut for half that count today!! I think it slow went in the toilet about a year and a half to two years after that. I then started on AZT, this was after they figure out that huge amounts of the shit was bad for your body. It was a failed chemotherapy drug. What part of Chemotherapy didn’t the doctors understand. It didn’t really bother me, then added was 3TC, which give me splitting headaches until you got used to it. Then they put both pills into one and I started taking just that. Then I found out my doctor was a moron and I quit going to her. Then I switched jobs, said I felt wonderful and that I wasn’t going to take anything anymore. Boy was I stupid.

  Here I am 40 mins of my bad rambling writing and I’m not anywhere close to being done. I hate to do this but I’m going to make this a two parter. I’m just getting started on my nightmare of pills. So before I fall asleep in my chair because I’m trying to get my posting done. I’m going to call it a night and go to bed. I hope I will type out part 2 tomorrow. But it’s payday and I’m horny ad you can tell from previous post that means I might be trying to go to Phoenix to visit my special friends <Grin>! I will try my damnedest to get this written before hand.

Hello World!

  I’m new to blogging, well that is actually a lie. I had a Blogger site several years ago. I think I may have posted to it twice, I would check but I can’t remember any of my log in information and the blog seem to have been erased (Thank Goodness) because if memory serves me right, it was just stupid crap really not worth reading for remembering. 

  It is going to take me a bit to get the hang of this and get this site setup correctly. It’s like setting up a webpage from scratch. I know a little about doing that and even less about tag, categories, etc. But this seems to be a pretty well laid and somewhat self explanatory. I’ve look at a few other sites to see what is on their front page and seen if it would work here or not.

  I have lots to say now. Some will not be to everyone’s liking, you can’t please everyone. I will step on toes with stuff related to being gay and Christian, what the bible REALLY says about homosexuality (my own study with the help of a few authors that will be footnoted later), how I feel about being told I can’t server as a Jr./Sr. Youth Group Leader because I’m gay and so on. You can disagree with me and leave comments saying so. BUT I don’t want them to spiral into Hate Filled CRAP that I May Delete or I may leave it there and just make you look like the stupid idiot that you are. I want details to your argument. Granted mine will suck too as it’s been a long time since my logical thinking class in college. I want something more than just you reading the words out of the bible. Because you are missing what it is Saying. STUDY the original language; did your translators even get the English word correct, did they miss the meaning entirely or did they just guess because they don’t know, who was it written by, when was it written, who was it originally written for and so for!! 

  Whoaaaa Doggies I’ve gotten off track a bit. But the above gives you a little taste as to what is coming.

 Another segment will be on something a fellow Twitter asked me about. He ask what it is like being gay, HIV+ and in a wheelchair as it relates to the sexual and non-sexual aspects of my life. I gave him a few ideas and then said I would have to email him the rest. Then I thought, wow, that would be a great blog entry. So shall it be. 

  It’s 3 in the morning and I’m tired. I will try to post daily. I’m sure I’ll have something to talk (bitch) about. Ah one more things, I will warn you that not all of this site or even the front page will stay PG, it will probably swing R’ish occasionally. Hell, some people think saying gay around there children is R’ish GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY <POOF> Your son is now gay! Please <sigh>!!

  Anyway I’m off to bed, g’night folks!